Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Some thoughts on post-uni life.

It's a Tuesday night and I'm sitting for what feels like the first time in ages, at an almost clear desk in my room, with fairy lights on and incense burning, listening to Bon Iver...it feels wonderful.
On an average day at the moment I will be about to climb into a taxi home from a bus journey from work. My current job is a care worker at a home for individuals with learning disabilities, personality disorders, autism and various other mental illnesses. I fell into this job unexpectedly quickly. After the summer break I began to feel that spending so much time at home made me lose my motivation. My enthusiasm for my art was waning; partly due to lack of appreciation, recognition and demand from others, but also due to a negative attitude I was finding it incredibly difficult to break out of. I also needed money badly.
So, I took the job. The shock of full-time, 12 hour shifts has been easier to cope with than I anticipated. Admittedly, it can get mentally and physically tiring...but I have this new sense of well-being that drives me on. I've surprised myself in being able to cope, and I've proved to myself that I'm a stronger person than I've felt over the past few months post-uni. The work is a mixture of stress, adrenaline, careful communication, empathy and determination. My colleagues are amazing people, incredibly capable and tough in the face of a career that is extremely demanding, yet poorly paid when the nature of the work is taken into consideration...and although my shy nature is in contrast to most of their personalities, I feel well supported and (after a couple of months) confident in their company. There are wonderful moments to be experienced with the residents too; I find I've always got sweet little anecdotes to tell. There are times when it's incredibly difficult, but those times don't overshadow the whole experience (as yet!)
I am now all the more appreciative of my days off; the little things like being able to sit alone and think; enjoy a film without the guilt of knowing I need sleep for another early start the next day; spend some time with my family; and of course, put my energy into being creative!

Making art is something I crave now. It doesn't ever feel like a chore because I so rarely get the time to do it. Beside me on my desk I've written a list reminding myself of all the little things that popped into mind that I must do tomorrow. I want to draw, and paint watercolours, SO BADLY. Tonight, I'm going to read. It's been far too long since I've felt awake enough to do that.

It's hard to imagine what the future's going to bring at the moment. Taking it all one day at a time seems to be the best way at the moment. Feeling good.

No comments:

Post a Comment